Raising Grateful Kids With Thank-You Notes - Guest Author Terri Hitt
There was a time when a gift received was followed by a simple act. The receiver would sit down to write a heartfelt thank-you note. Somewhere along the way, that practice began to disappear.
Yet if we don't teach our children to send a note of appreciation, they miss the opportunity to recognize the thoughtfulness behind the gesture and to intentionally express their gratitude. Writing a thank you note is about much more than articulating thanks or showing good manners.
Expressing Thanks Will Teach a Child to Observe
When my children were growing up, I wanted to nurture the quality of finding blessings. It was my hope that they would recognize thoughtfulness in others. When someone gave them a gift or did something kind for them, they were taught to express their appreciation in the moment and then follow it with a handwritten card.
You might wonder why we did both. There is warmth when you hear someone say, “Thank you,” but when written gratitude is also received, another layer of appreciation and connection are added. The receiver clearly shows the giver, What you did mattered to me.
Gratitude Begins Before Writing Does
Children don't have to be old enough to write before they can learn to express gratitude. When my children were very young, I would ask them what they wanted to say in their note.
I would write their words on paper and let them copy (if they were old enough). Depending on their age, it might take a few sessions just to get a few sentences written. But we made the time fun by discussing the gift or the person. A parent can also use that time to pray for the giver.
When they were even younger, my children would draw a picture that would be sent with the simple words “thank you” copied on the drawing.
Our thank you notes weren't meant to be perfect or say specific words. The thank you notes were meant to build a heart for gratitude. My children were fostering the ability to recognize when someone had blessed them. They were learning to respond with genuine appreciation.
Gratitude isn't to be viewed as merely a social skill. Appreciation is a heart posture.
Shepherd More Than Manners
In my bestselling book, The Good Mom Trap: Break the Lie That Good Parenting Creates Godly Kids, I talk about the importance of the heart beneath our children's behavior. That principle applies here, too. We aren't simply trying to produce children who carry good manners; we're shepherding the heart beneath the behavior.
A child can learn to say “thank you” because a parent tells them to. But the greater goal is to help them understand why they are thankful. Someone thought about you. They took time for you. Whether they chose something for you, made something, helped you, invited you, or encouraged you, they made time to be a blessing to you.
Gratitude teaches our children to look beyond themselves and recognize the kindness of another person. In a world that constantly encourages us to think about what self, teaching our children to pause and appreciate what they receive holds eternal value.
A Small Practice That Carries Great Significance
My daughters still send notes. Marissa appreciates the gift of heartfelt notes so much that she keeps notes she receives. Because Marissa is an artist, very visual, and sweet in nature, she adores receiving handwritten notes. Over the years, she has tucked cards she’s received away in a keepsake trunk. Those mementos represent people and moments to cherish.
Handwritten notes still matter. Texts are read, they disappear down the screen, and are forgotten. Emails get lost. But a handwritten card can be held, displayed, or saved in a keepsake trunk to read again. Perhaps it's time to revive the art of thank-you notes.
Start when your children are little. Let them draw the picture. Help them find the words. Let imperfect letters stretch across the page. As they grow, keep blank notecards on hand for them (and yourself) to use.
Make writing notes a natural response to blessings received. Whether notes are written on a beautiful card or a piece of paper covered in a preschooler's artwork, the lesson is the same. Notice the blessing. Notice the person. Take the time to say thank you.
A few handwritten words may seem like a small thing, but to the person receiving them, they say, “Your kindness mattered. So do you. You are appreciated.”
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